I learnt about it from a marriage counselor friend of mine. It’s a simple tool to use in relationships. Simple, easy and it actually really works.
Here is a totally hypothetical situation between a random husband and wife (ok, ok this was me and my marriage. Yesterday):
Hubby walks in from a long day. He’s been traveling for work and is exhausted. But I have been waiting for this moment to talk to him about the ‘to do’ list that he needs to get moving on. And this list is long overdue. And I have been stewing inside for a while now.
So I blow it.
I don’t take his exhaustion into consideration. I say everything that is on my mind.
Well, that does not go over too well.
Timing is everything.
This is not a shining moment for me. I didn’t tap into my womanly intuition and things are suddenly turning from good to not so good (put mildly)- and fast!
I stop myself. (Breathe!)
I humbly apologize.
I ask for a redo.
He graciously accepts my offer and we literally start the conversation over from the very beginning with “Hi, so how was your long day?”.
Friends once more.
Ahhh. Thank G-d!
We have many opportunities to do “redo’s” as Jews.
Once a week I make challah before Shabbat and in the prayers I read I say “may this Mitzvah of challah be considered as though I have given a tithe… and just like in temple times a tithe would atone for my misdeeds so too may this atone for my mistakes and shortcomings… and now let me be able to celebrate the Shabbat with my family, free of mistakes. Its my personal- mini- Yom Kippur. In my kitchen. Weekly.
We Jews also have the opportunity to take a dip in a Mikvah, cleansing ourselves spiritually, taking ourselves from one ritual state of being to another. When I walk out of the waters of the Mikvah I always feel refreshed. Renewed. Whatever I was holding on to as far as resentments and fears I have left behind in those waters. Highly recommended. The load gets heavy at times. Too heavy to hold. So I cast my woes onto G-d. He clearly has broader shoulders. And I feel lighter and more present for the relationships that truly matter most to me.
Once a year we do a “redo” with G-d on Yom Kippur. The ultimate redo! We start over again from scratch. Reborn without our misdoings. A new start. A new slate. Feels really good to have been given another chance.
Here’s to new beginnings!
Every single day, every week, every month, and every year, opportunities are found. Just like G-d forgives us, we too can forgive others, and most of all we can forgive ourselves.
And then we all win.